


Vice

by awg



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 22:29:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13797663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awg/pseuds/awg
Summary: All he smells now is Rian, and all he can think about is Rian, and all he can do is stroke his dick to the thought ofRian, Rian, Rian. It takes him over like a sickness, plagues his thoughts and consumes him like an anxiety attack.





	Vice

**Author's Note:**

> gratuitous porn with a side of feelings.

The confines of Alex’s bunk feel like a jail cell at half past three in the morning on this December night. The bus hums around him, failing to comfort him as it usually does as sweat gathers on his brow. Above, below, and around him are the rest of his band and crew, all fast asleep in their own respective bunks. Their presence would usually act as a deterrence in this scenario, but there’s an ache so deep down inside of Alex that even the fear of one of his best friends discovering him isn’t enough to ward it away.

To put it simply, Alex is horny.

So horny, in fact, that he’s been staring at the roof for thirty minutes now as he desperately attempts to talk himself down. He thinks of every unsexy thing under the sun: dead kittens, math, Donald Trump. That doesn’t work so he thinks of his wife, those thoughts being almost instantly replaced by a pang of guilt over the thought of Lisa alone not being enough to get him where he needs to go.

He feels bad that he has no desire to jack off to the thought of his wife, but he feels worse that his shame still isn’t enough to satisfy his frustrations.

Embarrassment washes over him, like he’s being watched and judged for not having the desire to masturbate to the thought of the woman he loves. He runs a hand down his face, long fingers gliding over tired eyes. They had played a show tonight and Alex was exhausted, but not enough so to stop him from needing an orgasm, apparently.

Sighing, he grabs his phone from beside his pillow. Unplugging it from where it’s connected to the outlet in the wall, he turns onto his side and clicks it on. He plugs in his passcode and opens Safari, immediately switching it to Incognito Mode and grabbing his earbuds.

There’s that pang of guilt again, churning his stomach.

Willing it away, he types “Youporn” into the address bar. What welcomes him is a familiar, but long forgotten, sight; its layout conspicuous and simple, if you ignore the ads boasting penis enlargement pills. Alex hasn’t forgotten how to search for porn despite marriage, thinks of it like riding a bike, and he wastes no time scrolling through the videos on the front page, pressing the third thumbnail from the top decisively with his thumb.

The title has way too many X’s but otherwise doesn’t particularly offend his morals. The content, however, is less than inspiring: it’s a video of a girl halfheartedly giving a blowjob.

_Put a little effort into it_ , he muses inwardly. _I can do better than that._

The thought takes him out of it. He closes the video, exits the tab completely, and puts his phone down. His cock stirs beneath the fabric of his boxer briefs. He thinks about Donald Trump again, but this time in a speedo.

It still doesn’t work, but Alex does succeed in making himself grimace.

Dejectedly he picks up his phone once more. He stares at his home screen for a minute and a half before opening his browser again. This time, he types _Youporn gay_ into the address bar.

He rationalizes it to himself that getting off to dudes fucking is less of an affront to his wife, somehow. He’s done it before, prior to being a married man, and while he’s never exactly put a label on his sexuality he was comfortable with his attraction to men, no matter how deep down he’d buried it in the last two years.

It’s not that he feared Lisa would leave him if she found out he was genuinely into guys, but rather that she wouldn’t believe him if he told her outright.

Pushing her to the back of his mind with considerable effort, Alex peruses Youporn’s extensive catalog of gay porn. Most of it has “daddy” or “twink” in the title, and nothing particularly piques his interest until he hits the third page, fourth video down.

_Best Friends Fuck Bareback_

The title is straightforward enough. Alex clicks it and presses play, waits for the video to buffer, and settles in.

He expects cheesy dialogue and then a hard cut to rough fucking, but instead the scene opens on a rather innocuous shot of a man fully clothed in bed. He’s reading a book when his door opens and in walks his assumed best friend, tall and brooding. They chat about work and relationships before the man in bed suddenly becomes downtrodden. The ever vigilant best friend notices this and joins him on the mattress, coaxing him into telling him what’s wrong.

“I think I’m in love with my best friend,” he says. “I think I love him, and I don’t know if he’s even into guys.”

“Who is he? Do I know him?”

Their voices crackle through Alex’s earbuds, low and rough.

“It’s you. I love you.”

While there’s no hard cut, things do start to pick up from there. The best friend leans in and cuts the other man off with a passionate kiss as he tries to explain himself. It’s quiet save for the sounds of their mouths moving against each other and low, soft moans.

Alex’s fingers are circled around the base of his cock, gripping hard. His front teeth dig into his bottom lip as he gives himself one, two, three quick pumps.

The scene unfolds on the small, illuminated screen. The two men undress each other, one begs the other to fuck him, _please_ , while the other kisses down his chest.

Alex doesn’t even notice how ragged his breathing has become.

He’s hit with a sudden and violent spark of panic that causes him to close his web browser abruptly. A familiar scent wafts into his bunk through the curtain as footfalls pass him by. It smells of a thick, woody cologne.

Rian.

Alex claps his free hand over his mouth as the realization nearly _tears_ a groan from his throat. His eyes fly open wide, and he stays like that until he hears the toilet flush down the hall and Rian pad his way back to his own bunk.

All he smells now is Rian, and all he can think about is Rian, and all he can do is stroke his dick to the thought of _Rian, Rian, Rian_. It takes him over like a sickness, plagues his thoughts and consumes him like an anxiety attack.

He thinks about Rian’s strong hands in his hair. He thinks about Rian’s thumbs pressing into his hips, leaving bruises.

He doesn’t know what he and Rian are. He didn’t know fifteen years ago when he kissed him for the first time when they were drunk on New Year’s, and he doesn’t know now when they barely speak unless obligated. Alex hates Rian’s new girlfriend, misses Cassadee and resents him for letting her go. Rian is upset with Alex and has been since the wedding, since Alex told him that they had to stop being whatever they were.

That was, best friends with benefits. Bandmates and soulmates and everything in between.

They slept together, they lived together, they laughed and they loved together. It was perfect all the way up until it wasn’t, until Alex decided that it was time to be a man which meant marrying his high school sweetheart. Because that’s what men do, they marry the women they love. They make a future, and they don’t have sex with their best friends.

Truth be told, had Rian asked him not to, he wouldn’t have done it.

Alex loves Rian, in every way a person can love someone. Alex loves Lisa, too, but in different ways; he needs them both but he can’t have them, and in the end he chose Lisa.

Rian thought him a coward, and maybe he was right.

The smell of Rian’s cologne brings Alex back to the last time they fucked. It was the first night of his bachelor party weekend. They shared a room at a fancy hotel and got way too drunk on wine. Alex was all over Rian seconds after they finished the bottle, pleading “fuck me, fuck me” into his ear like a mantra. Rian happily obliged, putting him on his back and removing his shorts and underwear.

Sturdy hands pinned him against the mattress as Rian fucked into him hard and fast, just how Alex liked it. Just how Alex begged for it.

Alex came twice and cried in between, Rian kissed his tears. As they lay together afterwards, skin flushed and chests heaving, Alex told Rian that they couldn’t do this anymore.

“Is that what you want?” Rian asked. Alex couldn’t give an answer.

The memory plays in Alex’s head like a movie, vivid and detailed. He can practically still hear Rian’s voice in his ear saying _cum, Alex, cum for me_ as he thrust into him all the way down to the hilt. Alex’s cock twitches in his hand.

With a hand still covering his mouth, he pulls his boxers down and his cock springs free. He’s painfully hard, tip soaked with precum, and a light graze with his pinkie on the underside is enough make him shudder.

He needs more. He needs Rian.

He removes the hand from his mouth and grabs his phone. Unlocking it, he finds his Camera Roll and opens it. Inside are photos of Lisa, landmarks, dogs he’s met.

He scrolls down until he comes across a batch of photos he took of Rian.

They’re not erotic, in most of them Rian isn’t even looking at him, but they’re enough for now. He taps on one where Rian is smiling at him wide as the sun sets behind him. Alex doesn’t recall where or when he took it.

He taps the photo twice, zooming in. Rian’s face fills his screen.

Alex’s fingers glide up and down his dick, slowly at first and then with more haste. He thinks about that one time in Japan when he was on his knees for Rian in the back lounge of the bus. He thinks about Rian’s cock hitting the back of his throat, gagging him.

Alex’s hips buck involuntarily.

He keeps a steady eye on his phone screen as he touches himself. He’s writhing against his mattress, unable to keep still as he’s flooded by thoughts of Rian sucking him, jerking him off, rimming him. He thinks about Rian telling him he’s so pretty when he’s wrecked, eyes rolling back and mouth hanging open. He thinks about Rian’s hand coming down on his ass, hard, after a day where Alex’s teasing got a little too out of hand.

He thinks about Rian telling him he loves him, over and over again while Alex rides him. He thinks about Rian worshiping his body while his hands were tied to the bed post but refusing to touch his cock, warning him to be patient.

He drops his phone to the bed, lifts himself up and cranes an arm to sit between his legs. He teases his hole, slender fingers prodding his entrance before he enters himself with one digit, and then two. His other hand slides up and down his cock with reckless abandon as he fingers himself down to the knuckle.

He thinks about Rian’s hand around his throat. He thinks about Rian’s fingers inside of him, and then about his long, thick cock stretching him open. He thinks about the times he and Rian had stolen away to fuck out of sight of their family, friends, and loved ones. He thinks about the secretly exchanged looks, the stolen kisses, the hushed _I love you’s_ said between heaving breaths as their bodies moved together like a symphony.

He thinks about Rian’s smile when he climaxes, thinks of his scent and his warmth as he’s barely able to stifle a whimper while cum spills over his hand. His fingers slip from where he’s penetrating himself and he grips the sheet beneath him, long legs flailing as he pumps himself through his orgasm, the ghost of Rian’s name dying on his lips after the first syllable.

When he comes down, Rian is still staring back at him from his phone. He wipes his hands haphazardly on the sheets and grabs the device. A fresh wave of guilt takes him over as he shoots Lisa a _have a good day, I love you_  text before he puts the device into Airplane Mode and lays on his stomach.

His last thought before finally drifting off to sleep at a quarter past five is of Rian promising him he’ll never leave him as his arm is hooked securely around his waist, his chest snug against Alex’s back.


End file.
